October 30, 2013

Happy Halloween

Maybe it was lack of sleep that made her think the barista was really slow. Plus, this being Halloween, every coffee shop employee seemed distracted by their witch hat and vampire teeth. Ann, however, was a suit in a hurry. She had no time for low level people being silly or oblivious to her importance. Dressed for battle in pin stripes, she tapped her right stiletto loudly, as if that alone would teleport the skinny mocha into her hand.

“These people don’t get it,” she seethed. “And those dumb teeth. Uck. Half these gals would do well to get veneers or at least whitening strips if they ever want to succeed.” Ann comforted herself with the knowledge that her smile dazzled, enhancing the qualities that made her so worthy.

At long last, the dawdling worker called her order and set out the cup. Just as Ann leaned in the barista unexpectedly touched her, saying, “Happy Halloween, Ma’am. Enjoy.”

And it was a good skinny mocha at that! She downed it on the way. A quick stop in the washroom to touch up lipstick found, oddly, her teeth looking a bit yellow. Maybe it was the mirror. No matter, a firm wipe with a paper towel did the trick. “Time to close the deal, lady,” she said to herself.

Later, another bathroom break revealed teeth as brown as strong tea. “God, no wonder I was getting looks.” More scrubbing only made her mouth sore. And a front tooth felt loose, too. Trying not to panic, Ann grabbed her purse and left. Finally home, she shook uncontrollably. No need to look in the mirror, she held rotted nubs in her hand and could run her tongue through large gaps.

Despite numerous treatments and surgeries, no implants or even old-fashioned dentures could be tolerated. She spent the rest of her life as a toothless, powerless recluse.